Monday, 25 May 2015

懒得

是不是因为时光变迁,是不是因为一切太过于理所当然,日子过着过着,做什么都提不起劲了。朋友相约,懒得出门;房间一塌糊涂,懒得打扫;甚至连一顿饭,都懒得去食堂吃。
然后连当初的感动,也懒得回忆。

梦魇般的现实总是笼罩着我,如影随形,甩不走抛不开。有人说,梦境反映着现实。我看到的,究竟是梦还是现实?你离开后的世界,竟如盘古未开天般,浑浊不堪。相隔着层层浓雾,我无力去追寻你的踪迹。无奈,从而放弃。从此,未离开。

我单纯地以为,只要我守在原地,你就会回来找我。日子久了我明白,再多的期待也只是徒然。你不可能回来,你拼了命逃走的,怎么可能回来。但是但是,我在迷宫里找不到出口。现在,我连出去也懒得。

是你说的,爱,可是我不明白。你留下的那个黑洞,那个把一切都吞噬的黑洞,跟爱有什么关系 ?一天一点,把所有感情都吸走的黑洞,如今还在那里。可是我不明白,为何它吸不走这般空虚?为何它带不走眼角的泪滴?

今夜,我仰望着星空,看见的是你那早已破碎了的承诺。它,还是那么的刻骨铭心。我明白,你忘了。可是你没让我忘了,所以它还在。还在那里提醒我,什么时候才要履行。当初,就不该相信。相信什么沧海桑田,什么天荒地老。现在,我连相信都懒得。

看到幸福的情侣们,我连祝福都懒得。看到微笑的人们,我连回应都懒得。看到友善的人们,我连加入他们都懒得。

我懒得再受伤了,你懂吗?

Sunday, 24 May 2015

Fakers beware!

To all my friends who somehow have bad days because of certain human beings:

Recently I have seen quite a lot of my friends holding grudges with certain human beings, got frustrated and mad, posting Facebook statuses and Tweets scolding those people and so on. All I can do is to sympathise them and wish them good luck. If you have been following me for a while, you would know that I was a victim too. If you don't know what I mean, just scroll through my previous posts.

For one thing, I have been with fakers, and they pretty much know that I won't buy them. But, they still fake everywhere. Take note on the word "THEY", that means more than one of them. It is okay if they continue to fake but do not affect my life, but what they do is way over that even I could not bear it. Because these fakers are not good enough in acting, they sometimes reveal their true, darker selves. And the truth hurts. Not me of course, but some friends of mine. They could not accept the fact that the people who have been so nice all the while turn out to be pretentious human beings. When it breaks your trust, it is already too late. The injured ones won't believe easily again. 

That makes me wonder, should I warn the others? Yet, is it appropriate? What if people don't trust me? What if people hate me? What if they labelled me as fakers instead? Should I care less? Or should I brave myself to protect the ones I love?
I don't have the answer. I am so weak. I don't have the courage. I just wait until everything is too late. I am so useless. Sometimes I really hate myself for not being able to take action.

What would you do if you were me? I can fake but I got tired at times. These fakers never seem to get tired. They never seem to care about others' feelings as long as they get what they want. But people like them, because they know who to fake to, what to fake on.

Fakers gonna fake.
But I am not gonna shake that off.
Fakers beware! 
It's about time for you to reveal your true self. It's about time...



Saturday, 23 May 2015

Until we meet again...

Hey guys, sorry for trolling and sorry for fooling around... now I am back in action! (*applause!)

As I said I have been busying, and now the business is still not over yet, I still have reports to rush and what not, but definitely have more time compared to the last two weeks, not to mention I have a test on next Tuesday. So wish me good luck!

Just finished Annual Grand Meeting on St John Ambulance and yep, I have no comments on that part. What I want to say is on the farewell ceremony. It is indeed touching. What's more the ceremony reminded me of those days when I was in Youth Cadet (KRS). I am at a loss of words but touched. I miss those days.


Photo taken when I was in Form 4 (16-year-old), and now I am 21. Oh look how skinny I was those days! Haha, I dare you to point me out, I bet you don't know which one is me. But then I really missed this big family of mine and we worked together through ups and downs and lefts and rights. I wanted to go back those days so badly. We cried our hearts out on the farewell party.

Back to the USM St John team, I have no idea why they have such deep relationships, well practically because I wasn't really close to them, but I was all the while glad because it is memorable for one to experience the feeling of belonging at least once in life. I believe that is what makes us reluctant to leave each other.

Life is cruel because it tears you apart when you wanted to be together. Yet life is sweet because it lets the right person appear in your life at the right time. Until we meet again, we shall always miss each other. We made promises but never seem to realise it because we hardly meet each other again. And knowing that fact makes me cry, even harder.

I think that is why I never let myself all in in a relationship though. Because I am too afraid to face the truth, the fact that one day when we separate, it is going to break me. But if you were lucky enough to have my heart, and we separated, I hope when I see you again, you will give me a smile, because that alone is more than enough.

To all who love me, I love you.

When I see you again.
Until we meet again.
Love.


p/s: I am in the middle row, fifth one from your left.




Sunday, 17 May 2015

Lazy. Busy. Sleepy.

Sorry guys for disappearing from my blog... I've been through a lazy, busy and sleepy week and that's it. And because I was too busy, I became sleepy, and that made me lazy. That's why all my creative processes were temporarily "shut down", as all I did was to get as much sleep as possible whenever I could. For now, I find myself lazy enough not to think...

(Ten hours later...)


Zzzz...


ZzZZZzzzzz....







You are trolled!

Friday, 8 May 2015

Tribute to Grandpa -- 4th Anniversary


There he was, lying, eyes half-opened
His soul, wandering between light and darkness
I saw his eyes sparkled, smiling at me
But all of a sudden
He went into deep sleep

Nothing but a body of dampness
Not bounded to hell, would it be heaven?
I said, wake up, wake up, oh please open you eyes
You won't even budge, no, this isn't time!
The coldness of your flesh shivers my spine
I could do nothing, but cry

Why, why, why did you go?
You promised never leave me alone
You promised me sweets, toys, bedtime stories and all
You promised to see me grow up, to see me grow old

There is nothing left except dreams and memories
That come and haunt me every night, I couldn't sleep!
Remind me of those days, of me and you,
Of jokes and laughter, of every summer

May your soul rest in peace, my dear grandfather
May everything end well, just like fairytales
Happily ever after.

(Poem to be recited on Public Humiliation!)

Busy

Hey guys, sorry for making you guys waiting. I know it's been a week now, and I have been busying and will continue to busy for weeks, I suppose. So I just stop by to say hello, and also tell you guys how busy I am.

Mission accomplished on 5th of May: Expo SHE 101(Ethnic Relations) and Writing Journal handed in. While on Wednesday we were supposed to recite our poems on Public Humiliation class but we got a good scold and we were told to redo it next week, so next week it is. Thursday ended up shopping suitable costumes for drama on next Friday. Today is Friday and so far we practised our drama and I have to attend St John's camp tonight...till Sunday night. Not to mention I have an interview tomorrow. Next Monday Tuesday Wednesday will be occupied with lectures and practices and rehearsal drama plus the poem recitation. Drama performance on next Friday. Ta--da.

So I guess I should get some sleep first before I would not even have the time to sleep. Bye.

Friday, 1 May 2015

If only...

If only you opened your eyes to see, 
And opened your ears to listen;
Opened your heart to perceive,
And opened your mind to vision;
You would be a better you
Well, my humble prediction.

What is life if, full of care,
No one even bother to show their care?
The world needs you, and you indeed;
For not many, willing to help those in need.
Sometimes I wonder, are those humans?
Because to me, they act like aliens.

God made humans, with hearts to feel;
With pouring conscience, warm and real.
Yet there are humans without these, 
And do anything as they please.

Dear human, please be wise,
For you live because Lord gives you life;
Your life is yours, but it is still His,
For when your soul leaves your body,
You will face Him.

Thursday, 30 April 2015

Public Humiliation -- Dramatic Monologue!

Another one! And this time it is something we never expected!

It was an impromptu one. We were given 5 minutes to write the scripts. Just when we were done with the scripts, Dr Kamarul said that we were going to perform the monologue written by others! Frankly speaking, our lecturer is always full of surprises, and I do like that idea! 

So off we went up to the stage, performing. Well I was too busy enjoying the performance that I forgot how to be nervous! That was a plus point to my performance, as keeping a cool head made me think clearer. I was requested to act out the thoughts of a marathon runner. So I acted! My friends comments are positive, so thank God!

Others told me they feel more secure and calm if they are given time to prepare first. But I am the opposite. Don't judge me, I am a spontaneous person and I prefer to act it out on the spot. The outcome not only surprises the audience; it also surprises me. And I love the surprises I bring to myself. I never know I could be capable of doing these stuff before then. Acting by yourself is no easy task because there is no communication happening. Nevertheless it is fun to see one talking to himself/herself. It is just a way of voicing out thoughts. It is a way of self-expression. Self expression is very important because it enables you to show your personality. Again, it is related to teaching. Teaching requires teacher to express himself, and since he would be giving lecture most of the time, the thing is pretty much close to a monologue. 

Thank you Dr Kamarul for the surprises. Thank you for bringing us into a whole new world, and let us explore it. Well, at least no boring lectures!

Next mission: TO BE REVEALED.....










Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Public Humiliation? Aye or Nay? -- Children's Theatre!

So, for my Public Humiliation course... we actually done a lot of stuff, and children theatre is one of them. But our children's theatre was not the REAL children's theatre as you expect, because we were just organising a one-day English workshop in SK Taman Hi-Tech Kulim. The purpose of the workshop is to encourage the students to speak and use English in their daily lives.The workshop included a puppet theatre session, choral speaking session and also the cup game. I am in charge of the cup game session. Okay then, straight to my point!

First, the students were hardly controllable! It's because they didn't come with remote controls, I suppose...(LOL) Jokes aside, I believe children are restless, but I don't recall that that was how I used to be!  I mean, how could they be so highly-spirited even after a long day? Here comes the problem, because they just could not get their mouths shut, not even when the emcee is speaking. Luckily one of us came up with some tricks, and we got hold of the children. They just needed more patience to guide and deal with after all. We could not blame them because they did not want to pay attention to us, it was our fault for not being fun!

Although they love to have fun, I find that children sometimes are even more responsible than adults. In all the sessions, they showed their eagerness to learn and to perform well. They had the courage to ask and to correct themselves when mistakes were made. They knew their roles and played them cooperatively. It makes me feel ashamed that we adults are less cooperative than them. Some were too shy to approach us, but with a little bit of kindness they managed to get themselves involved and gave their best. I have no words to describe the feeling but touched.

When it came to my cup song session, the students just could not stop playing with the cups given. I had to ask them to put their hands in the air so that they could pay attention on what I was going to say. It was funny but effective. Their eyes shone with eagerness to learn. Somehow, some of them were not able to follow what we said. I found some children looked at us with puzzled eyes. When I approached them, they told me they did not understand the instructions given and did not know what to do. I had to explain to them in simpler English, and also explaining in Malay. As teachers, we must pay extra attention on those who are easily forgotten and shy, not leave them aside and tend to the active ones. This is actually a serious issue, because teachers are not supposed to be biased.

The children were very polite that they came to us and gave their salams before leaving. I recognised some from LELAC camp, and they also greeted me. It is a great pleasure that your students recognise you and appreciate you. The thought of it warms my heart. The reward of being a teacher is the feeling of being appreciated.

This is not the first time I organised or take part in a workshop or camp. But this is the first time I am handling a bunch kids as an adult, and as a teacher. Children are simple with pure hearts. I would love to be with them. Although they could be annoying, most of the time they are adorable. All they need is a little more patience, a little more love, a little more care and lots of communication. To speak to children, you have to use their language. Simple, true and straight forward. I understand why Dr. Kamarul asks us to organise this workshop. Not only we benefit the children, we also learn a lot from them. Being a teacher is not easy. You should guide them, but not lead them. You should care for them, but not do their things for them. You should love them, but remember to share your love equally. Most of all you have to be willing to teach. They know if you are willing or reluctant, and this shows through their attitude towards you.

I feel like I want to be a child again.





Saturday, 25 April 2015

Public Humiliation -- Voice Modulation

Everything happens for a purpose.
Everyday is a new discovery.

Voice modulation is the thing where we have to act like animals and do their sounds, plus a story line. My partner and I spent two days on the costumes, basically sitting in our room sewing. So, as we were acting as the rhinoceros, we spent hours searching for the exact shades of grey that could match our clothes. We managed to get the same shades of grey for the shirts and pants, but then the vest was of a different shade... And then I realised why the movie was named "Fifty Shades of Grey". Well, it could be applied literally. hahaha (not funny) To our surprise, the costumes turned out to be quite nice.

After acting the scene and reviewing back what we had acted, I found that I am really no good actor after all. The scene that I had imagined in my mind turned out differently when I acted it out. That makes me realise why professional actors and actresses have to act out the same scene over and over again. My partner and I practised the scene before, and it turned out quite good. But things went different on the day of performance. I would not take stage fright as an excuse, but to me, I believed I was worn out by the same scene that I got bored myself before acting it out.

I am a spontaneous person with spices of humour. Because of the spontaneous quality in me, I tend to get bored easily when I do the same thing over and over again. I prefer a life full of adventure than a routine. I think I should get used to routine then? By the way, since practice makes perfect, I think I should practice more before the performance, and the best thing is to record them into videos so that I can got through them and improve on the weaknesses.

Voice modulation is not carried out for the sake of acting. Dr Kamarul told us he wanted us to be  "abnormal" teachers, not boring, dull ones. To be a good teacher, you would have to have the ability to grab the students' attention, just like what you do when you are performing. The audience needs to be pay attention to you, and you should be the star under the lime light. Voice projection is also important, in order to convey your messages clearly. The main thing is you should not be the one who is "syiok sendiri" on the stage. Through this activity, I discovered a new facet of me. I learnt that it is easy to be an attention seeker, but it is not easy to be the one who gets the attention. Same happens when you are managing your class, if you could not get the attention, you failed to manage it.

On the way to be a better teacher.

Monday, 20 April 2015

Stop Tickling Furry Unicorns! (STFU!)

Sorry guys, I thought I could get rid of this habit of finding fault in people, but then, I am wrong. These people are so annoying that I wish I can shut their big mouths and give them high fives in their faces.

The thing is, they think there is no problem with them. And that alone, is a HUGE problem. I could not act as if I didn't know anything, and that's why I am here. Ranting on the stupid stuff people do.

First, I would like to talk about my dear course mates. We are facing a lot of coursework at the same time so I would say that it is quite heavy for us to handle. Well, it would be just fine if all of us work together, but there are some who don't want to cooperate. Okay, that's still fine enough. Worse still, there are people who thinks that he or she is the most superior among all of us, and would like to lead us, BUT HE MESSED THINGS UP! F*** YOU! Whoever it is, he or she definitely drew my dark sides out of me.

Second, the fakers a.k.a the back-stabbers. No comment, because I am sick of them.

All of you know, when I am angry or upset, I tend to write them down. So they pretty much contributed a lot, by becoming my facebook statuses. But then, as a matter of fact, sometimes it is just some by-products of my creative thinking and I decided to write them down, and it is not meant to address anyone. BUT THERE ARE THIS KIND OF PEOPLE WHO TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY BECAUSE THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND HIM OR HER! And they think that they are being attacked by me, so they posted statuses to attack me back. No wonder I find the statuses so coherent. Hmm, good job guys.

There is also this "SENIOR CITIZEN" or "SENIOR-CITIZEN-TO-BE" that loves to "EDUCATE" others using his "KNOWLEDGE". Oh come on, we don't need Nazis here. I know you are the best among the best, but don't you know HUMBLE IS A VIRTUE? HOW COULD A PERSON SO PERFECT LIKE YOU NOT KNOW?!

STOP TICKLING FURRY UNICORNS, CAN'T YOU?
Pity those beautiful creatures...

Sunday, 19 April 2015

Public Humiliation in Action?!

(*drum roll!)

Hey guys! Remember the " Public Humiliation" thingy I told you guys before? Now, it is back in action! Literally we spent a few weeks not providing public entertainment because we had been having drama classes indoors. Now, the public entertainment will start till the end of semester...
Well I am totally speechless, because the thought of it could send me the shivers.

So last week we spent the morning entertaining the passers-by. Our task was -- " do whatever you want". So with that, I am ashamed to say that me and my partner performed a bitchy quarrel scene that was pretty much humiliating. I am not going to elaborate on what I had done, I am not satisfied with myself. Well maybe I am not good in acting after all.

Next week we will be performing as ANIMALS. Currently working on the costumes, thanks to my rommie which is also my partner, her delicate fingers make work faster. I hope the next performance is ridiculous enough to entertain you guys! Just stay tuned because I am not going to tell you what kind of animals I am performing, hahaha!

For now, keep fighting!