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 Hi. 

My space of healing in my 20s. 

It's 2026. 

Last year I made the most terrifying decision in my life and I did it despite that fear - I opted out of my stable - government - long life no worry (or so they say)  teaching job, and pursue what I thought to be my soul's calling (it is, indeed). 

The starting point of meeting spirituality was recorded here, and now I am pursuing it as my full time career. It was not easy. I am now currently at my all time low only making 1k this month, but having 2k of credit card debt, 1.6k of commitment and no savings. I don't know how could I get through this. I felt ashamed of myself - not because I regretted my decisions, but my failure in making my business successful. 

The spiritual path has been my anchor when I had no one to believe in. And even now, I know it's never the time to give up.... but living in constant fear of the next income flow is different from the security of the next paycheck. I may have to resort to living off others if sales continue to be low and non-existent... 

I've been hiding myself from the world. I have no courage to tell the truth I am currently in and the thought of people checking me in with a simple "how are you doing" is going to send me spiraling into catastrophe. I cannot even tell my family because they will be questioning every thing... Or maybe the worst case scenario only exists in my mind, but I could not bring myself to really tell the truth. 

And hence I am cowardly here, spilling stories of my victimhood, acting all poor and poor (pocket). Pun intended. I guess all the anxieties that are killing me can't shut down my sense of humor lol. 

Let's abruptly stop here. hehe  

Looking Back

 Looking back at what I have written versus where I am right now - chuckle- it definitely makes me feel funny. Funny that those things that had troubled me no longer bothers me anymore, while I was so deeply affected and soaked in sadness at that time. 

Current srtruggle is MONEY - yep, the solution to 99% problems in the world hahaha

That's right, I quit my job and yeppp I need money to survive. 

I had started my own business on Instagram @nikitasky.healing . It was mainly based on crystal bracelets in the early stages and slowly evolved to Tarot Reading and Reiki Healing. I think I started back in 2022/2023, and now it's a full time business and I am the BOSSS! 

So running a business is new to me and the mental stress when it's my sole income is just insurmountable. I am CONSTANTLY worrying about money - and I struggle with decision paralysis, bouts of anxiety, self blame, guilt and procrastination. 

What an interesting 2025! 

Okay no possibility of any positive vibes here hahaha Bye! 

After Five Years

 I am not gonna deny that these five years have been one of the most eventfully-packed periods in my life. 

I knew since I was young that I am not going to be a teacher - at least teacher in the traditional sense - it's not that I don't like teaching, is just that I have been long traumatized by "teachers" despite having a few kind and wise teachers. 

My primary school Year 1 - 3 teacher was the one who moulded me into "a good girl". I was obedient and my people-pleasing skills were at peak. I even learnt drawing and painting which I knew I had no talent and only mild interest in , because I wanna "win" my teacher's heart. 

For the next half for my primary school years, I had started to rebel - I no longer people please, but this teacher enjoyed it a lot. Hence I was being ostracized, by the teacher, together with my classmates. I didn't even know how I go through the days, but I knew that was the first time I felt suicidal. 

I chose not to go to Jit Sin for my secondary school because most of my primary school classmates would be there. Instead I chose SMKTAR and yup thankfully I was no longer bullied. However, due to my fragile ego - I kinda lost myself but found myself anyway (I was a tomboy at that time). Teachers here were generally kind and nice, but I was a rebel anyway - I skipped classes or slept through lessons I didn't like. 

I went to Jit Sin for my Form Six, glad to make a few close friends and yahhh- I had a crush who was also the one and only guy whom I didn't confess to. 

I don't know why I am reviewing my school years haha, but since we have started might else just continue lol

I think basically I just wanna point out that I have bitter-sweet memories related to the school environment in general. 

I wanted to study medicine but short of results and money, I had no other interest nor direction, so I ended up studying education and became a teacher anyway. 

2019 was the year of my posting, and this year, in 2025, I quit. 

It turned out that the school environment and politics are eating me away, that I no longer feel joy or look forward to tomorrow, despite me performing and doing well. 

I had no friends and it's been the loneliest period of my life. I do go out with students. but they are just company,  not friends. And when I thought I belonged to a group, it turned out that they were childish and always dramatic- today I ngam with you, tomorrow I not ngam with you. Eventually going to work turns out torturous, and that speeded up my leaving. 

I am thankful for having this job since it really supports me during the covid lockdown. However, it is poison - I knew that the longer I stayed, the less happy I would be. 

I haven't let my parents know about my leaving. I guess I am too afraid of the consequences... maybe there isn't going to be any, who knows? 

Self-talk

 I am still not used to the whole "being-gentle-with-yourself" thingy.

How hard is it for me to accept that it is ok to be feeling what I am feeling?

How hard is it for me to feel what I feel and acknowledge it without resisting?

I feel like running away, but if I do, it means I am abandoning myself. Again. and again.

How long do I have to stand the sight of the shattered me, and just "be" there?

Do I still hate myself? If so, exactly which part? If so, why? 

To My Beloved 2020

 #爱你2020

这个2020年，可能对大家来说很可怕，也很不安，可是要知道，转变的背后就是重生。

2020是我的重生之年。

从一路的焦躁不安空虚无助，向外寻求关注而不可得的那个我，到如今可以以温柔的心看世界，我真的很感谢，这些在2020启发我的人事物。

2020年，让我看清我自己的黑暗面，接触身心灵，以自己的黑暗共处。成为那一道光，爱自己，以前这些我会鄙视的观念，也是把我从深渊里拉出来的力量。

2020年，我也学会了跟不适合的人告别。有些人，真的不必强求，尤其是从来不肯为了"我们"而改变自己的人。 学会设立健康的底线，拒绝"垃圾"思维的人类。 学会把精力放在自己和珍惜自己的人身上，拒绝"以爱之名"。

2020年，我也学会了什么叫做"自信"。 自信就是，清楚的知道自己存在的价值。 我找到了我的价值，也坚信我是无可取代的存在。

2020年，感谢那些一直支持我的朋友们，谢谢你们不厌其烦地看我摔跤又爬起，一遍又一遍。谢谢你们一直都在❤

也要感谢我在网络上偶然联系上的塔罗牌师Anjali，如果不是她，我不会是今天的我。

2020是个重生之年，也是个感恩之年。

感恩我接触了瑜伽之后，多年的心悸背痛也不再上门，作息也更加规律，也变得开朗了起来。

这一切，如果不是一场疫情，如果不是MCO,如果没有那些单独被关在房间的日子，我不会倾听我内心的声音。

感恩2020年让我看到，困境崛起，浴火凤凰。

#我爱2020

To all the decisions I have made in 2020

 This might be the most shocking decision I have made in 2020. 

I quit my Masters studies. 

As much as I think that I am an "excellent" student, apparently I could not bring myself to "excellence" in the field which I have little to no interest in. 

My passion lies in sharing knowledge, to help people and see the growth in them, and that's why the teaching profession suits me. Yet, when I applied for my Masters, what I had in mind was resentment and revenge, plus a deep hollow need to prove myself to the world. 

I must say 2020 is definitely a year full of huge transformations. I came to realise that I never needed to prove myself to anybody by pursuing higher education. It does not align with my purpose. I have zero motivation when it comes to writing my thesis. I have neither the curiosity a learner has to possess, nor the passion in delivering what I have learnt in my Masters to my students. Since then, days became more of a burden, rather than joy. To escape from myself, I resorted to binge eating and my weight spiked a full 20 kilos. I was not happy, but I did not know that this Masters study was the main cause then. 

After months of deep contemplation and numerous futile attempts to continue writing my thesis, I came to a point where I came clean to myself. I was stuck. I could not bring myself in front of my laptop and write. I resented each and every word I had put into my Masters thesis. I feared of the judgments from people around me. I feared that my parents would be deeply disappointed. I feared that my lectures and juniors or even friends would look down on me. And of course, I would have risked all the money I had put into this studies - which was a huge RM 42000. 

Nevertheless, I decided to quit. When I voiced my thoughts to my friends and family, it was surprising, as well as liberating. All of them supported my decision, even my Mum who was quite stubborn at times. She supported me and asked me to let go. Even as I am writing this down, I am in tears as I am touched by how people around me are supportive. 

And so today, 30th of December 2020, I finally muster up my courage and file in my withdrawal. 

I cried. I don't know why, but maybe they are just tears of relief. Or maybe, I am thankful to myself for letting myself go. 

And this is to you too. To all the decisions you have made in your life, bless them and move on. 

No regrets. 

Love and Light, 
Nikita

月 • 雙魚

 

My Mortal Fear

https://lonerwolf.com/biggest-fear-test/

It still hurts a lot. 

As much as I yearn so much for love, I could not bring myself to accept that I am love-worthy. 

Deep down, I have this immense fear that, no matter what promise the other person has made, he is definitely going to abandon me one day. I am bound to be abandoned. 

I wonder when will this deep-rooted fear of mine be healed. 

Since my last break-up, I could not bring myself to watch any romance-related content. A simple scene of couples holding hands and smiling goofily at each other is enough to send shivers down my spine. It reminds me of all those silly and stupid stuff I have always yearn for during my six-month long distance relationship with my Taiwanese boyfriend. The expectations, the only hope which I fed on, vanished in just one day. I never get to see him in person. All the plans we have made together, turned into pure lies and deceit. 

I hated myself for a long time. I could not accept the fact that he did not give me a proper reason for our break-up. I clung onto him and pestered him with threatening messages and petty little acts of stalking him and his friends online. I could not even fly to Taiwan to actually punch him in his face because never did he told me his real address. I could not even cry and mourn for the loss. I lost track of the time when I wanted to force my tears out but I couldn't. And if I am not mistaken, I broke down only four months after the break-up. (He broke up with me right before CNY in 2019, petty guy choosing the fucking timing). It was when I finally realised, no matter how much blackmailing and drama I created, things would never go back the way they used to be.  

Still, after the realisation, I did not give myself time to heal. Immediately I turned to seek for guys available and flirted with them. With that much hurt and hatred for the guy who have left me, I used the attention of other guys to quench the urge for revenge. I lied to myself that I did nothing wrong in the previous relationship and it was all his fault. I blamed him for everything, and refused to think about the past. I decided that the best revenge would be to quickly move on and get someone so that I could show off my new boyfriend to my ex. Well as you can guess, it didn't happen. 

Plus 2019 was a year full of changes. Previously I was staying in USM hostel, doing my masters. Right after CNY, I got posted to PCGHS, which was quite a distance away from USM and I had to prepare for a lot of changes since I did not have my own transport. With that being said, it as quite hectic and I did not have the time to properly sit together and embrace my emotions. I thought it would be nice keeping busy to forget the hurt, but apparently, it was not.

So here came my downfall. I met another Taiwanese cute little brother on the singing app and the attraction was instant. At first we talked to each other about everything. Then it took an unhealthy turn when we could not control our needs towards each other. We were both lonely, and broken and needed to be "fixed". Hence our relationship turned toxic with both of us constantly checking on each other, and chatting on the phone for long hours that none of us would hang up. He started getting off-board with all the cheeky and cheesy conversations that one would only say to someone he/she loves. I confronted him many times and after what seemed like endless times of stupidly getting back to this addiction, I severed all ties with him after six months. Oh gawd half a year wasted. 

According to the chronological timeline above, I did not have any time to heal. It is more like I did not give myself anytime to heal. With this little bro being completely dumped out of my life, I felt a huge void, a huge emptiness that fears me. I was so used to someone calling me the moment I left mt job, the moment I had my dinner and the moment right before bed, that all these times I could not help but to feel a constant fear and anxiety. There were moments when I suspected myself of being depressed. But you know what, I still did not learn. Immediately I was on pursuit of guys again, with all the dating apps you can download. 

Yup, so I kept myself busy by chatting with random guys, going on dates and keeping all my fears and emptiness and all the stuff I have to heal wayyy back the back of my brain. Yet, my dates never went well. All these guys I am interested in, eventually lose their sparkle. It was either me getting bored, or the other person suddenly vanished, or I kept on finding that these guys were simultaneously preying on a few "victims" that I gave up on them. You could imagine the length of my block list (maybe I would show you one day, hahahaha). 

On 16th of March 2020, that evening when our dear PM was announcing the first phase of MCO, I was out dating with yet another guy. The "love-at-first-sight" wave hit me the moment he stepped into the cafe. And well erm ah what I wanted to say was, I thought he would be the right guy at first, but after that we were literally locked-up and Covid-19  says "no more dates for you, bitch". And that was when I was forced to face all the self-sabotaging acts that I have done for the past year. This guy, albeit being my mirror, had let me see my fears that had been projected onto him. I was never ready to be in ANY relationship. Yet, I ironically went out to seek one, hoping that getting another relationship would "fix" the broken me.  It did not. 

Thus I started my healing journey series( yea all those blog posts on tarot, yoga and stuff), as I finally sense all the self harm I had done to myself. Erm yep this "love-at-first-sight" cute guy ended up in the dungeon-locked-up list as well, so be rest assured that I would not do myself further harm by trying so hard to love when I am not even ready. So I spent these two months working on little stuffs that needed to be changed, and to really face my inner demons. 

Apparently this part of me (yea the story above) said it wanted to be let to breathe today, and so I granted its wish. 

And yes please excuse me as I have spent an hour writing this, and I spent an hour crying while writing. 

Dang, it hurts being honest. 

Peace out yo. Namaste. 

I cried during Yoga Session (wth)

I cried. 

I fucking CRIED during my Yoga session?!

Let me find my words. 

This is not my first time doing yoga, but this is my first time shedding tears. What's the trigger then? 

Let me just help promote the YouTube Channel I've been following. 

This is not the first time I experience yoga... oh look at me repeating the same thing. I have always love yoga because of all the fluid movements and stretches that feel so good and relaxing. Nevertheless, it has been about two years (or more) that I prefer kickboxing and other quick moving dances as my workout routine that I totally forget about yoga. 

Recently this "yoga" word keeps appearing as I read and watch a lot of videos on spiritual stuff, mind-body-soul connection blah blah blah ( erm erm whatever), so this thought strikes me that I should just try yoga one fine day. 

So today happens to be this "one fine day" and yup, five minutes into the session, I cryyyyyyy. Using a more precise description, a tear rolled down my cheek (forgot whether it was right or left). The "self-hugging" position happened to turn on my tear faucet so everything ran loose~

I was deeply engaged in the session that I laughed and cried throughout. The funny thing was, I never choked. Usually we choked while crying or laughing because we could not find our breath, but never did I choke. It was truly a refreshing experience! 

Oh, going back to the part where I had to set my intention, this thought popped up, "I want to be my truest self". I guess I was able to laugh and cry so heartily because I was so present at the moment, that I forgot every thing in the world that brought me down. 

Now that I finished the session, I felt such freedom that I could not help but to write this down. This is AWESOME. Every cell in my body is singing with joy~

Never felt so alive. 

Namaste. 

p/s: Namaste means: " I bow to the Divine in you." 

Why have I chosen this path

Because I don't want to die.

As easy as that. 

I have been suicidal. Once, when I was sixteen. 

And recently it has come back to haunt me, in a more threatening, more menacing way that I could ever imagine. 

At the age of 26, never in my life I have ever thought I would kill myself. Let me rephrase that. Never in my life I have ever thought that these suicidal thoughts would come back and visit me. 

Yet they came, like old friends, chanting whispers of death into my ears, blowing wisps of cold air into my soul. I am not happy and neither am I sad. I am not here nor there. All I have is a huge black hole, a vacuum that sucks everything into emptiness. 

All this while I experience emotional numbness - all my emotions are fake. They looked real thanks to the actress in me. As much as I seek true connection with the outside world, I never feel "belonged". As much as I wish to grab hold of "something",all I find is "nothing". 

As much as I feel that I am slowly dying inside, I don't want my death to pain the people I love. 

Have you watched the movie "Joker"? What do you think about him? What have he done wrong? All he wanted was to be happy. But never did he feel happy. Is it because he deserved it?  

Ever since I "officially" got rid off the suicidal 16-year-old me, I felt so proud of myself for surviving and winning the war. Little did I know, I never look into the core of the matter and solve it. All I did was completely burying it somewhere and forgot about it. After 10 years, this demon that I have buried, has grown into a huge tree, threatening my existence. 

The reason I embark on this journey is pure simple. I don't want to hurt the people I love. Plus, there is much more good and beauty in this world that I have yet to explore. As much as I hate being alive, because of all the pain I have to go through, I know that the only way to enjoy the wonders life has to give, is to stay alive. 

Breathe. 

And stay alive. 

And find ways to stay alive. 

Peace yo~ 

if you are struggling as I am, visit this site to see if it can help : https://lonerwolf.com/start-here/ 

My Healing Journey (Part 6)

After much thought, I think it would be okay to just use her real name. It is never wrong to be true, so here you go. This is me replying to her. 

Lyndsey,

How are you doing today ?

Now that a day has gone by after our call, I would love it if you could let me know if the Coaching call was helpful to you and if yes, how did it help you with reference to the Tarot messages you had received earlier. Also, what could have made it better ?

Much love

Anjali

Dear Anjali, 

This would be a very long message again :) I must write it ALL down, because the Universe speaks to me - with intensity and abundance. It showed me that the love I should receive is infinite - and I would be receiving more and more afterwards. I could not express how much gratitude I felt - it was like a dark veil had been lifted and suddenly I could see clearly. Each and every puzzle came together suddenly made sense - and I knew, I was blessed all along. I was never abandoned. It was me - who has refused to listen to all the guides the Universe has sent. It was so overwhelming and at the same time so liberating. I truly believe that I have the power to “release and let go”, just like the spread that you have chosen for me. 

After the call I was so relieved and felt that I was freed - from all the unnecessary weights I had been carrying all along. I realised the importance to see - with a clear mind and soul, and to differentiate between responsibility and guilt. It is important to make wise choices - ones that would make us grow and prosper, ones that would help us and our loved ones to heal. It is also equally important to say no - to set healthy boundaries and stay firm to our own decision. There is no need to feel guilty because we have refused to take what others offer. It is just pure common sense: we know that junk food is unhealthy, so we refuse to take them. No one should blame you for taking care of yourself, and most importantly, I should not be guilt-trapping myself for making choices for my own benefits. 

I made it a point to completely shut out the guy whom I have mentioned to you. Little did I know, maybe he was meant to be one of the teachers in my life. After I explained to him my views to him, he replied with equal sincerity. His message made me realise that I have always been applying the same concept and destructive behaviour in my interpersonal relationships. I have always been a people pleaser - in the hope of getting the same attention that I was giving out. But just as you have said during our call, I would not receive love if I keep on emitting “hurting” signals. He made me realise that there is no absolute way to a situation. There are lots of perspectives and ways to solve a problem, and I should not force my thoughts and principles on others. I am glad that I did not shut him out because his words gave me such insights to my past behaviours. Now I see how inflexible I was in dealing with my life. How conservative and closed-minded was I. I am so glad that I am able to see my mistakes. And now it is exactly the time to change, to heal. And maybe I should keep him in my life, as in the beginning, he served as a “trigger”, a key to my healing journey; and now, he gives me insights that I have never realised before. I am also able to realise that I should not limit my relationship with him as lovers, who knows maybe he will turn out to be one of my best friends in life? The Universe is always full of surprises. :)

Yesterday I received my rainbow obsidian pendant. When I ordered it online, it was pure impulse - and also I knew I needed to get myself grounded. Did some research that obsidian is supposed to act as a “mirror”, to let us see our darkest self and inner demons. And now looking back, it is the Universe’s way of guiding me towards my own healing. Miracles happened! After meditating with my obsidian for about half an hour, in which what I did was just holding onto the pendant, closing my eyes and doing nothing. I watched as my thoughts passed by, and then I resumed my work as usual. Out of the blue, thoughts started rushing in to the extent that I could not contain. I began to see - that everything that has ever happened to me - were the mirrors to my own behaviours. It was like a heavy blockage had been lifted, and there was sudden revelation. So I kept on jotting down these thoughts, these new perspectives, these little pieces of miracles that came towards me. 

I think that “mirror” is the keyword. The most destructive thing that I had done to myself, was that I used sadness to heal my own sadness, and ended up hating myself. I would like to write more on the little details I have found, but I think it would be better to focus on the tarot readings specifically in the following section. 

I began to make connections - of the past and the present, of the outer world and the inner world,of others and myself. Everything flowed through me naturally, that I found it unbelievable. Years ago I thought that the law of attraction and self-affirmations were all bullshit; now I know, if only I have learnt to listen and accept, things would change. 

 Looking back the day I received your tarot readings, which was on the 4th April - till now, only 12 days have passed, yet, so much changes have happened within me. Not to mention, it has only been two days since our call, and the Universe has shown me so many miracles. I believe that now I have gone through the phases of reversed Chariot and Four of Cups. I have come forward to receive the Ace of Pentacles the Universe offers. This is my new beginning ( page of pentacles ), and as I am embarking on this journey, so many miracles have performed in front of my very eyes. I am able to see my past, understand my behaviours and also replace old concepts with fresh insights; and the most surprising part is that I am able to forgive. Yesterday night, while trying to fall asleep, I had this sudden urge to thank those people who have helped me and accompanied me in life, and also to forgive my past relationships. So, I got to my phone and started sending messages. I thanked those who supported me, and they replied with words of reassurance and encouragement.  I sent messages to my ex boyfriend, saying that I forgave him and I don’t hate him anymore. I gave my blessing to him and wish that he would find his own happiness in life. He replied that he’s happy to hear from me and wish for my happiness too. At that very moment, all the hatred and pain dissolve, and I feel so peaceful. So this is the power of forgiveness, I thought to myself. I plan to send more messages out, especially to the people I love, to thank them for being there for me, giving me advice and support. I believe that it is never too late to show gratitude. 

As for the Four of Wands, which depicts stability, harmony and balance, I believe the steps I am taking now are the foundation. I realise that this is a process and only with persistence and work, plus patience, things will manifest towards my dreams. I am also feeling secure and more at ease with myself now. As for the High Priestess, I believe that I have to listen to my higher self in order to seek my life purpose. It is still quite vague, but I have always had this feeling that I want love and peace for everybody, and I want people to feel empowered and love. I want no more suffering for human beings. Maybe this is what leads me to my current profession, which is a teacher. I have always wanted the best for my students, and I constantly nudge them to seek their life purposes. Along the way, I have also come to better terms with myself. I believe that the way I treat my students is the way that my inner self wishes to be treated. So from now on, I will be gentler, more compassionate and patient while listening to my heart’s desires. 

Last but not least, the Lovers card which has brought me tears when I first received the readings, now brings a sense of peace and calm. At first I cried looking at it because I thought I would never be able to achieve it; and now that the Universe has shown me guidance, I believe that I deserve true love. 

I really loved the cup metaphor and the light switches. Now I am able to see things more objectively, taking a step backward and analyse the contents of my cup before making accusations of others’ behaviours. The light switches I have done for these two days have helped me tremendously, giving me possibilities and ideas to help heal myself and my relationship with others. Thank you so much, Anjali, for appearing in my life in such wonderful timing, and for speaking in a language that is so full of gentleness and wisdom. It’s been a long time that I've ever felt so alive, and so happy to be alive. 

Anjali, you are a beautiful soul. Your kindness and sincerity are enough. Years ago I would not even dare to dream of such a person showing up in my life. Thank you, thank you and thank you. 

I am also looking up more on Louise Hay. She is another wonderful soul indeed. 

I am Love. 

Love, 

Lyndsey

My Healing Journey (Tarot Reading Part 5)

Finished my Zoom meeting with the inspiring Tarot Reader whom I have mentioned to you... Oh my it was tiring crying for 45 minutes non-stop. I think I've reached the peak rainy season of my life (or just of the year?).  Nevertheless, crying is not the main issue here. 

Have you ever meet a person who speaks magic? I think I have just met one. Anybody could say these words: "you are strong enough", "you are powerful", "you are doing more than enough"; but when these words were uttered from her lips, they were transformed into strength, power and love. I have never feel so liberated and dazzled by the light she has shone on me. Yes, it's hard to believe, but she SHINES. She shines her own radiant and speaks her own truth, but strangely it sounds like prophecy to me. 

Let's sum up the main lessons and steps she has taught me: 

1. If your cup is filled with tea, you will never be able to give coffee. If you have so much love and hatred in your heart, how are you going to love others? 

So, fill your cup with love, and you will be able to give love, and attract love. 

2. When I asked her "why is that sometimes kindness are not repaid by kindness?", and she replies:

The Universe sees our acts of kindness and and has them all recorded in our "Bank account". You will be repaid, it is just that it may not come from the same person that you have given, but eventually, you will be repaid in different forms. 

3. When I told her that I feel so empty inside, she replies:

The beauty about being empty, is that you do not have to remove the contents of your cup anymore. You are now being able to contain, to hold, all the love that is ready for you. 

4. If there is a painful memory that comes back and haunts you, write it down on a piece of paper and burn it. Flush it down the toilet bowl and watch as it disappears.Then, take another piece of paper and write down one thing you love in life to replace the memory.

5. Mediate. Everyday. Close your eyes and merely pay attention on your breathing. Don't mind the thoughts, let them come and go. Eventually you will find calm and peace. 

6. Keep a gratitude journal. Write down simple things in life that make you happy. 

She tells me that meditation and gratitude journal are like light switches, they help to turn on the light - which is the Divine Truth.

I have always been skeptical about these practices, but the intense sincerity that I felt from her is so comforting and reassuring. I think I am on the right path. 

This may be one of the greatest gifts the Universe has ever given to me. Years ago, when I was at my darkest times, I shut myself up and I thought the Universe has abandoned me; but now, I reach out for help, I am heard, and I am healed. 

This was the card I picked. It is Louise Hay's "I Can Do It" self-affirmation deck. Well, after this I am going to check out her books. 

Peace.