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 Hi. 

My space of healing in my 20s. 

It's 2026. 

Last year I made the most terrifying decision in my life and I did it despite that fear - I opted out of my stable - government - long life no worry (or so they say)  teaching job, and pursue what I thought to be my soul's calling (it is, indeed). 

The starting point of meeting spirituality was recorded here, and now I am pursuing it as my full time career. It was not easy. I am now currently at my all time low only making 1k this month, but having 2k of credit card debt, 1.6k of commitment and no savings. I don't know how could I get through this. I felt ashamed of myself - not because I regretted my decisions, but my failure in making my business successful. 

The spiritual path has been my anchor when I had no one to believe in. And even now, I know it's never the time to give up.... but living in constant fear of the next income flow is different from the security of the next paycheck. I may have to resort to living off others if sales continue to be low and non-existent... 

I've been hiding myself from the world. I have no courage to tell the truth I am currently in and the thought of people checking me in with a simple "how are you doing" is going to send me spiraling into catastrophe. I cannot even tell my family because they will be questioning every thing... Or maybe the worst case scenario only exists in my mind, but I could not bring myself to really tell the truth. 

And hence I am cowardly here, spilling stories of my victimhood, acting all poor and poor (pocket). Pun intended. I guess all the anxieties that are killing me can't shut down my sense of humor lol. 

Let's abruptly stop here. hehe