Monday, 25 May 2015

懒得

是不是因为时光变迁,是不是因为一切太过于理所当然,日子过着过着,做什么都提不起劲了。朋友相约,懒得出门;房间一塌糊涂,懒得打扫;甚至连一顿饭,都懒得去食堂吃。
然后连当初的感动,也懒得回忆。

梦魇般的现实总是笼罩着我,如影随形,甩不走抛不开。有人说,梦境反映着现实。我看到的,究竟是梦还是现实?你离开后的世界,竟如盘古未开天般,浑浊不堪。相隔着层层浓雾,我无力去追寻你的踪迹。无奈,从而放弃。从此,未离开。

我单纯地以为,只要我守在原地,你就会回来找我。日子久了我明白,再多的期待也只是徒然。你不可能回来,你拼了命逃走的,怎么可能回来。但是但是,我在迷宫里找不到出口。现在,我连出去也懒得。

是你说的,爱,可是我不明白。你留下的那个黑洞,那个把一切都吞噬的黑洞,跟爱有什么关系 ?一天一点,把所有感情都吸走的黑洞,如今还在那里。可是我不明白,为何它吸不走这般空虚?为何它带不走眼角的泪滴?

今夜,我仰望着星空,看见的是你那早已破碎了的承诺。它,还是那么的刻骨铭心。我明白,你忘了。可是你没让我忘了,所以它还在。还在那里提醒我,什么时候才要履行。当初,就不该相信。相信什么沧海桑田,什么天荒地老。现在,我连相信都懒得。

看到幸福的情侣们,我连祝福都懒得。看到微笑的人们,我连回应都懒得。看到友善的人们,我连加入他们都懒得。

我懒得再受伤了,你懂吗?

Sunday, 24 May 2015

Fakers beware!

To all my friends who somehow have bad days because of certain human beings:

Recently I have seen quite a lot of my friends holding grudges with certain human beings, got frustrated and mad, posting Facebook statuses and Tweets scolding those people and so on. All I can do is to sympathise them and wish them good luck. If you have been following me for a while, you would know that I was a victim too. If you don't know what I mean, just scroll through my previous posts.

For one thing, I have been with fakers, and they pretty much know that I won't buy them. But, they still fake everywhere. Take note on the word "THEY", that means more than one of them. It is okay if they continue to fake but do not affect my life, but what they do is way over that even I could not bear it. Because these fakers are not good enough in acting, they sometimes reveal their true, darker selves. And the truth hurts. Not me of course, but some friends of mine. They could not accept the fact that the people who have been so nice all the while turn out to be pretentious human beings. When it breaks your trust, it is already too late. The injured ones won't believe easily again. 

That makes me wonder, should I warn the others? Yet, is it appropriate? What if people don't trust me? What if people hate me? What if they labelled me as fakers instead? Should I care less? Or should I brave myself to protect the ones I love?
I don't have the answer. I am so weak. I don't have the courage. I just wait until everything is too late. I am so useless. Sometimes I really hate myself for not being able to take action.

What would you do if you were me? I can fake but I got tired at times. These fakers never seem to get tired. They never seem to care about others' feelings as long as they get what they want. But people like them, because they know who to fake to, what to fake on.

Fakers gonna fake.
But I am not gonna shake that off.
Fakers beware! 
It's about time for you to reveal your true self. It's about time...



Saturday, 23 May 2015

Until we meet again...

Hey guys, sorry for trolling and sorry for fooling around... now I am back in action! (*applause!)

As I said I have been busying, and now the business is still not over yet, I still have reports to rush and what not, but definitely have more time compared to the last two weeks, not to mention I have a test on next Tuesday. So wish me good luck!

Just finished Annual Grand Meeting on St John Ambulance and yep, I have no comments on that part. What I want to say is on the farewell ceremony. It is indeed touching. What's more the ceremony reminded me of those days when I was in Youth Cadet (KRS). I am at a loss of words but touched. I miss those days.


Photo taken when I was in Form 4 (16-year-old), and now I am 21. Oh look how skinny I was those days! Haha, I dare you to point me out, I bet you don't know which one is me. But then I really missed this big family of mine and we worked together through ups and downs and lefts and rights. I wanted to go back those days so badly. We cried our hearts out on the farewell party.

Back to the USM St John team, I have no idea why they have such deep relationships, well practically because I wasn't really close to them, but I was all the while glad because it is memorable for one to experience the feeling of belonging at least once in life. I believe that is what makes us reluctant to leave each other.

Life is cruel because it tears you apart when you wanted to be together. Yet life is sweet because it lets the right person appear in your life at the right time. Until we meet again, we shall always miss each other. We made promises but never seem to realise it because we hardly meet each other again. And knowing that fact makes me cry, even harder.

I think that is why I never let myself all in in a relationship though. Because I am too afraid to face the truth, the fact that one day when we separate, it is going to break me. But if you were lucky enough to have my heart, and we separated, I hope when I see you again, you will give me a smile, because that alone is more than enough.

To all who love me, I love you.

When I see you again.
Until we meet again.
Love.


p/s: I am in the middle row, fifth one from your left.




Sunday, 17 May 2015

Lazy. Busy. Sleepy.

Sorry guys for disappearing from my blog... I've been through a lazy, busy and sleepy week and that's it. And because I was too busy, I became sleepy, and that made me lazy. That's why all my creative processes were temporarily "shut down", as all I did was to get as much sleep as possible whenever I could. For now, I find myself lazy enough not to think...

(Ten hours later...)


Zzzz...


ZzZZZzzzzz....







You are trolled!

Friday, 8 May 2015

Tribute to Grandpa -- 4th Anniversary


There he was, lying, eyes half-opened
His soul, wandering between light and darkness
I saw his eyes sparkled, smiling at me
But all of a sudden
He went into deep sleep

Nothing but a body of dampness
Not bounded to hell, would it be heaven?
I said, wake up, wake up, oh please open you eyes
You won't even budge, no, this isn't time!
The coldness of your flesh shivers my spine
I could do nothing, but cry

Why, why, why did you go?
You promised never leave me alone
You promised me sweets, toys, bedtime stories and all
You promised to see me grow up, to see me grow old

There is nothing left except dreams and memories
That come and haunt me every night, I couldn't sleep!
Remind me of those days, of me and you,
Of jokes and laughter, of every summer

May your soul rest in peace, my dear grandfather
May everything end well, just like fairytales
Happily ever after.

(Poem to be recited on Public Humiliation!)

Busy

Hey guys, sorry for making you guys waiting. I know it's been a week now, and I have been busying and will continue to busy for weeks, I suppose. So I just stop by to say hello, and also tell you guys how busy I am.

Mission accomplished on 5th of May: Expo SHE 101(Ethnic Relations) and Writing Journal handed in. While on Wednesday we were supposed to recite our poems on Public Humiliation class but we got a good scold and we were told to redo it next week, so next week it is. Thursday ended up shopping suitable costumes for drama on next Friday. Today is Friday and so far we practised our drama and I have to attend St John's camp tonight...till Sunday night. Not to mention I have an interview tomorrow. Next Monday Tuesday Wednesday will be occupied with lectures and practices and rehearsal drama plus the poem recitation. Drama performance on next Friday. Ta--da.

So I guess I should get some sleep first before I would not even have the time to sleep. Bye.

Friday, 1 May 2015

If only...

If only you opened your eyes to see, 
And opened your ears to listen;
Opened your heart to perceive,
And opened your mind to vision;
You would be a better you
Well, my humble prediction.

What is life if, full of care,
No one even bother to show their care?
The world needs you, and you indeed;
For not many, willing to help those in need.
Sometimes I wonder, are those humans?
Because to me, they act like aliens.

God made humans, with hearts to feel;
With pouring conscience, warm and real.
Yet there are humans without these, 
And do anything as they please.

Dear human, please be wise,
For you live because Lord gives you life;
Your life is yours, but it is still His,
For when your soul leaves your body,
You will face Him.