Watching and listening to too much music-related videos and shows somehow reignited the musical soul of mine. I've loved music since young, and I will continue to love music more. One thing I hate about myself is I never got the chance to learn music formally, or at least properly.
The first thing that comes into my way is my Mum. Well, I believe her intentions are good, but it really rendered me into feeling helpless. My Mum BANNED me from doing anything music-related, even singing in the house is a big NO-NO. She said singing is a "bad culture" and should not be practised, singers out there apparently didn't lead a good life (in her view), and the entertainment world is nothing but a dark world in disguise of colourful appearances. So I couldn't sing at home, usually I sang in class, anywhere, when I am out of home and not with my family.
I know my voice is the "not-bad" but "so-so" type, and I know I need to practise a lot in order to improve my singing. But then since I couldn't sing at home, apparently I ended up not singing for months. Humming to rhythm is not considered singing, and somemore when I REALLY do sing, my voice will reach my neighbour's. I was self-aware so I kept my voice and be the silent good girl in front of my parents.
Due to lack of singing, my voice shuddered a lot when I sang (during middle school) and of course some of my friend laughed at me for my "over-confidence" in singing. In the long run I kept singing as something I sucked at, and ended up not singing at all.
But then I have evidence that my singing is at least at the average line, because I do won a couple of singing competitions. So I gave a lot of thought and picked up singing again when I was in form 4, I make it a point that even though my singing is not the best, I am still better than most of them out there. I make it a point that singing isn't something I should suppress but I should instead express it. I don't care what others say about me, I just wanna sing. And indeed it makes me happier, although till now I still don't sing in front of my parents.
Oh how I wished I could learn more about music, and of course singing. The love for music can't be expressed because of my lack of knowledge in this field. I wanted to enroll in whatever music classes but I'm still afraid of what my family would say. I have to get their permissions anyway.
And of course with this hectic university life, I wondered if I am good enough at managing time to give space for music lessons. Sometimes I wrote lyrics, and was so frustrated of myself because I couldn't produce the music for the lyrics. My friend around me are not that talented, and well I am also to afraid to approach anyone with music talents.
So the thing that I wanted to say is, I WANT TO LEARN MUSIC!
That's it. Hope you guys won't laugh at me after reading my confession. XD
