Lost

I'm tired of being strong, of acting tough, of not able to break down completely when I want to, of smiling when I have no intention to, of laughing out loud to cover my sadness, of repressing my emotions and trying to erase unwanted memories, of being unable to have good nights' sleep, of being unable to be myself.  

Why did I end up helping others patching their wounds while mine are left untended to? Why did my wounds unable to heal by themselves? Why did they end up deeper and deeper? Why did my "whys' never have answers? When can I sleep peacefully without being disturbed by haunting dreams?

I tried to believe that Universe has its own reasons for those things that happened to me. But why am I feeling more lost that ever? Why am I feeling lonelier when I'm surrounded by people? Why am I attacked with sudden sadness every time I laughed hard?

Darn it, please end this for me. 

Juniors?!

Well apparently this is only my second year being a senior, and I have never enjoyed being a senior. The thing is, not that I don't want to help, but I really am fed up layaning the karenah of these pampered kids. For God's sake, can't you be just a little bit more independent? Can you don't ask me each and every detail about everything? I almost curse when I saw the questions my junior asked me. The questions can be easily solved using logical thinking and some common sense. Please, put some effort in living your life. Now I am very afraid on hearing my phone vibrates, because I pray that it is not a message from juniors.

I force myself to reply message while holding on my emotions. I felt like writing Part III of "My Series of Unfortunate Events", but won't it be mean of me to list my juniors as unfortunate subjects? God forbids. I just hope after the first week of the semester he won't bother me anymore, or else I have to find some way to show him my true colours.

I am not a nice person, I tried to, but I am not.

Oh kids, GROW UP!!!