This phase of life turned out to be hectic and overwhelming. Week after week there are "death threats" to confront and when you thought you could finally take a rest, there are more to come. My life is constantly on the verge of deadline, and strangely enough, I have no willpower to stay alive. Someone once told me I'm born a kickin' badass, but I don't think I live up to that name. I am merely a self-pitying vain coward who complains whenever life gets tough. I become more and more afraid to handle what life gives me. And I even stop what I love doing. I force myself to get out of my room and meet the world, to get a break of the daily routine, to understand others more and to let go of my expectations on them, to adapt a different view and to be happier, but it doesn't seem to work in either way. I used to love singing a lot; now I just don't feel like singing. I deleted all the games I used to like to play. I feel more at ease among strangers than being around with my friends. And it takes me such a long time to get myself settle down and write this down. I don't feel like telling anyone, and I don't feel like doing anything. Most of the time my mind just wanders off. I don't even feel like talking to my parents. I don't even feel like hating the ones I used to hate. Every morning I woke up feeling not ready for the day ahead. Most of the time I doubted that I am feeling what I am supposed to feel. If you searched the net, you get the word "depressed". But I don't even know why I am like this. I don't even know am I supposed to ask for help, or am I supposed to let myself slowly rot inside. These days I laughed so much that I hardly cried. I doubted if my tear glands were blocked or that I forgot how to feel my own feelings. Let's see if life's getting any better, shall we?
That's it.
