Going through my previous posts just to find myself an outgoing person. I admit I am, most of the time? Yet when I engage in deep conversations, people often get surprised by my views. They get even more surprised when they realise that I am a deeply-sensitive observant person. Hahaha, surprise is my element.
I don't trust people easily. And when I trust people, I don't trust them completely. I am aware of people abusing others' trusts, so I always make sure the information I give won't be use against me. And if I ever told you a 'secret', don't be foolish, that is not considered 'secret'. Because I never revealed my secrets to anyone. Just because you don't know, doesn't mean that it's a secret. Secrets are never meant to be revealed.
And because of the nature of lacking trust in people, I indulge in much time observing them. I don't judge people based on first impressions, but taking time up to three months to come to a small conclusion on which level of relationship I should carry out with them. Errm, I have my own scale, based on how much trust I would give you and how much true self I would show you.
I am sensitive, therefore I don't trust people easily. The reason I lack trust in human being is simple: they abuse my trust. Once bitten twice shy. The consequence is I invented my own style of relationship management. Consider me weird.
I have told some of my friends before, and well, they are quite shocked that I actually "calculate" relationships. I believe some of you are quite shocked as well, and that means you are normal. If you were as abnormal as me, you would understand: this is just crisis management. I just don't want to get myself hurt. Don't you see it?
There's difference when it comes to "special relationship". The moment I realised I had a considerable amount of liking towards someone, I would hold onto my heart and analyse the situation. Most of the time I give up and friend-zone him. In the end they don't even know I had feelings towards them before. Well, I quit if I don't want to get hurt.
It daunted on me when and how I would trust a person enough to let him into my life. My own insecurities often gnaw on my soul that it hurts, but I don't know how to get rid of them. For now I think the safest way would be to stick to my style!
Don't worry , I won't harm people. I just don't trust them.
