What is Love?

One question I often find both funny and contradictory is when clients ask me: “Do they love me?”

Before I can even attempt to answer that, another question naturally comes to mind:

What is your definition of love?

Because the truth is, most of us never really stop to examine that.

Our ideas about love don’t come from a neutral place. They are shaped by our family upbringing, our culture, the relationships we witnessed growing up, and the stories society tells us about romance.Over time, these influences quietly form our beliefs about what love is supposed to look like.

And sometimes, those beliefs are not just distorted — they can be unhealthy, even harmful.

Take obsession for example. Is obsession love?

The world certainly likes to think so. We see it everywhere in dramas and movies: the handsome, powerful CEO who becomes obsessively devoted to the innocent young girl. His jealousy is framed as passion. His possessiveness is portrayed as proof that he cares deeply.

The story is packaged as romance.

But if we pause for a moment and step outside the fantasy, we might ask ourselves a different question: Is being controlled really love?

Because obsession often comes with surveillance, restriction, and emotional pressure. It asks one person to shrink so the other can feel secure.

For me, that is not love.

Love should never require you to lose your freedom. It should not make you smaller, quieter, or more fearful of being yourself.

If anything, love should allow both people to remain fully themselves — to grow, to breathe, and to exist without the constant fear of losing the other.

Which brings us back to the original question.

Perhaps before asking, “Do they love me?”, a more important question to reflect on is:

What kind of love am I actually looking for?

Because once you become clear about what love truly means to you, many confusing relationships start revealing their answers on their own.

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 Hi. 

My space of healing in my 20s. 

It's 2026. 

Last year I made the most terrifying decision in my life and I did it despite that fear - I opted out of my stable - government - long life no worry (or so they say)  teaching job, and pursue what I thought to be my soul's calling (it is, indeed). 

The starting point of meeting spirituality was recorded here, and now I am pursuing it as my full time career. It was not easy. I am now currently at my all time low only making 1k this month, but having 2k of credit card debt, 1.6k of commitment and no savings. I don't know how could I get through this. I felt ashamed of myself - not because I regretted my decisions, but my failure in making my business successful. 

The spiritual path has been my anchor when I had no one to believe in. And even now, I know it's never the time to give up.... but living in constant fear of the next income flow is different from the security of the next paycheck. I may have to resort to living off others if sales continue to be low and non-existent... 

I've been hiding myself from the world. I have no courage to tell the truth I am currently in and the thought of people checking me in with a simple "how are you doing" is going to send me spiraling into catastrophe. I cannot even tell my family because they will be questioning every thing... Or maybe the worst case scenario only exists in my mind, but I could not bring myself to really tell the truth. 

And hence I am cowardly here, spilling stories of my victimhood, acting all poor and poor (pocket). Pun intended. I guess all the anxieties that are killing me can't shut down my sense of humor lol. 

Let's abruptly stop here. hehe